Adolescent Hormones Yes, Love is in the Air. Spring is here along with many first loves and momentary heartthrobs. If your adolescent is acting strange, consumed with talking on the phone with a new love, chances are you noticed the change. No, your teen has not lost it, at least not permanently.
Regardless, if your teen is enraptured in a blind love that has you worried sick, or is in the depths of depression from a love gone bad getting through the next few months will be a challenge.
Parents can find this phase worrisome if not outright alarming. Mood swings may vacillate between happy elation to pouting, shouting or unwarranted arguments that penetrate any sense of harmony in the home.
Focus is on Attraction Not School
School settings experience the same phenomena. Ask any teacher in middle or high school about the energy levels that rise during this time of year and all will agree.
Heightened attention is spent scanning hallways and lunchrooms in search of a glance, a touch or a brief encounter with any student’s latest romantic interest.
This is the time of year when schoolwork suffers the most, as all attention and focus remains on that new love, good, bad, or non-returned love, however it may evolve.
Relax, It’s Normal
What many parents forget is that experimenting with intimate or romantic relationships is a normal developmental process. What brings worries parents the most though, is when either a son or daughter gets so consumed with this new love interest that nothing else matters.
This could be observed as all-consuming obsessive behaviour to be with the desired sweetheart, or if bad feelings developed between sweethearts, angry or hurt feelings erupt from your child that overrides any rational thought.
Be Wary of Extreme Reactions
If extreme reactions occur after being ‘dumped’ or ‘rejected,’ such as depression or withdrawal from all other activities, be sure to monitor behaviours for a sign of deeper depression.
In ugly or heated breakups, reactions may be as extreme as threatening suicide or harm to the person who rejected offered love. In either case, such extreme reactions warrant concern.
Set Dating Boundaries
Of course, the other side of the picture is when love is well received, and a teenage romance causes your otherwise obedient and respectful adolescent with thoughts of flight from all house rules or intimate involvement of an adult nature.
To offset such occurrences, dating boundaries must be set and consistently adhered to by parents who ‘attempt’ to curb such intense relationships.
This is no easy task for sure, particularly given the strength of adolescent hormonal compulsions. But parents must remain firm. This would include setting and enforcing curfews, the number of nights they might contact one another and certainly prohibiting overnight togetherness.
While some parents may believe it is fine to allow total freedoms for dating, others may set excessively rigid rules that are impossible to enforce. Yes, it isn’t easy to find the happy medium for boundary setting with your overly engaged teen.
Still, age-appropriate privileges are important guidelines to set if youth are going to find a common sense of balance between teen dating and mature decision-making. (Oops, talk about paradoxes!)
Family Values Will Outlast Early Attractions
It helps if family values and beliefs are set early. In fact, many social scientists believe that individuals acquire personal values as early as age
If your teen adopted solid values from early childhood, chances are no matter how outlandish a new love interest may appear, if large discrepancies surfaces between your teen’s values and his or her new love’s values, rest assured that it may not be long before the relationship ends.
Most parents would worry to death if an undesirable dating partner were to capture your teen’s heart. But for the most part, our teens do not depart too far from original values upheld within the home.
So, setting family values and personal decision-making strategies starts during early childhood. Don’t be afraid to set such values with consistency, sincerity and fairness to all involved.
Parents Need to be in Charge
All the while, parents need to find a balance between acting like a friend and behaving like a parent. When push comes to shove, the parent role must take precedence. Parental influences today can range from being too casual or non-existent, thus remiss of applying any discipline or authoritative rule settings.
If you are too rigid, your child may be compelled to defy your wishes and thus continue to see this new love regardless of your dictates. If you are too relaxed and attempting to befriend your teen and all of your teen’s friends, then you may set him or her up for opportunities to get into an intimate relationship much too prematurely.
There is nothing cute about teenagers sleeping together as it usually leads to an emotionally complicated relationship that most teens are not emotionally equipped to deal with.
Adolescent Hormones Tips on Overcoming Defiant Behavior
Make no mistake about it; hormones play a big role in how resistant our teen may be to our orders to curtail seeing a new love. A strong attraction often causes him or her to override your mandates regardless of how outlandish this new romantic obsession is, then you may need to consult with a profession on how to proceed; particularly if your teen defies your orders to ceases and desist.
If this is happening in your home, try one of the following:
1. Try sitting down and talking over the good points and the bad points of this new love.
2. Avoid, if possible, ordering overly rigid or unrealistic mandates that cause a line to be drawn between your dictates and your teen’s expectations. That negotiating results in a power struggle.
It is better to try to reason with facts than to draw mandates out of the air so that your teen may easily reject such unwarranted orders.
3. If you are really concerned that the new love is an evil influence over your teen, then attempt to find out further facts about the youth rather than rant and rave without sufficient evidence for your conclusions.
4. Follow your instinct. If something about this new love does not feel right or sincere toward your youth, do not be afraid to go to extremes to investigate. After all, it is your child’s welfare that is at stake.
5. And as always, make every attempt to keep the lines of communication between you and your teen. Remember, our folks survived our adolescence and so will you with your teen. Healthy development requires constant input from a caring adult.
Crushes and Puppy Love!
Help Kids Grow Positive Self-Images
Well, Valentine’s Day is over, and we may be surprised to learn our child experienced his/her first love or crush. It is a factor of human nature that we all want to be appreciated.
Surely we all can remember our first love or puppy love. Now, we must watch our children go through the same process. But little did we know, that in reality, the whole process of learning about expressing affection, exchanging emotional feelings with others, and giving tokens of our affections, would have anything to do with growing positive self-images; but it does.
Positive Self-Image
For all following reasons, expression of love, sharing feelings, giving gifts and discussing our feelings are all healthy learning experiences that serve to strengthen our own self-image.
Of course, we want our child’s feelings well-received or else we might also be upset to watch him cry. But in reality, whether or not those feelings are well received represents only a small part of the growing process.
Regardless of your child’s age, expressions of feelings for others should be a positive developmental stage of growing up. Granted, none of us ever want out toddlers to grow-up, or to have our elementary school child to feel drawn to anyone other than to mom or dad. Nor, do we want our teen to leave all common sense behind as he is bit by cupid’s love bow.
But it happens, and yes as parents we all must sit idly by our child’s side. Silently we must sit by only to watch our child come home in tears due to rejection, or conversely, watch him return home with a broad smile because the boy or girl in the third seat acknowledges and returns a few words of affection.
Yes, crushes and first loves are a time to put our own feelings aside and observe with guidance as our child experiences a first love.
All Ages Feel Rejection
If a toddler is rejected, brief stages of pouting or sulking if not outright biting and kicking may be observed. Since vocabulary is limited at this age, the most we can do is watch reactions and interpret frowns or disappointment, all the while knowing that a small ice cream cone can easily distract attention from a former rejection.
As children reach elementary school age, vocabulary is sufficient to allow expressions of disappointment, and it may take a larger bit of distraction to deter any tears or frowns from our child’s face.
If the rejection was severe, then Mr Puppy love may kick his toys about or strike out in frustration. Still, again, with sufficient enticement, hurt feelings can be rather quickly replaced with an activity or another pastime. But this ease of appeasement may not be so easy at the teenage level, a point in life when dramatic or volatile emotions erupt often.
Rejection Tougher on Teens
During the teen years, everything is perceived as the end of the world, particularly when a puppy-love or first-love rejects his or her affections. If our teenagers are disappointed in love, an entire household can become unhinged.
Tantrums from a 16-year-old can be most unpleasant to say the least, if not outright dangerous. As anger is released at this age, items may go flying through the air, objects in his room may suddenly show up broken, and repeated threats to run away, or worse yet, to do self-harm may be prevalent.
No doubt, this behaviour is difficult to live with but by all means, if threats of self-harm are made, take the threats seriously.
It is also necessary to be firm about what is and what is not acceptable yet patient enough to explore reasons for this behaviour.
And if the love of their life just jilted your son or daughter, try to cut some slack in the discipline department for his or her outrageous behaviour.
A more constructive approach to this behaviour is to sit down and discuss the issues with your son or daughter. Be patient as tears flow, and whatever you do, do not minimize expressed emotional hurts or disappointments.
Don’t Ignore Personal Feelings
The worst thing you could say is, “Oh, so what if Johnny doesn’t like you, your too young anyway,’ or ‘Good I am glad it didn’t work out because you are not dating until you are 25.” Statements like this ignore personal feelings of your children.
It takes a lot for children to share this information with a parent, so you should be honoured that they would even want to talk with you.
It is, therefore, essential that you acknowledge their feelings and that you empathize with them. Be supportive, patient, and understanding, do not tell them to stop overeating as it is necessary to vent emotions when personal disappointments are the extreme-within reason, of course.
When emotional tirades calm down to discuss the pluses and minuses of the potential relationship anyway, chances are if you help him/her compare realistic versus idealistic qualities of the desired love, your teen will develop a more realistic view of negative features of this particular union.
In this manner, you are not only bonding with your teen, you are also helping him or her to think rationally about the disappointment.
In the long run, you will provide him/her with valuable skills for overcoming future heartbreaks, an experience that is quite normal for this age group. But better yet, you are facilitating the development of skills that will serve him/her well into adulthood.
Adolescent Health:
Finding a doctor specializing in the teen years
Then there’s the question of contraception and possible unwanted or wanted pregnancies. Sexuality issues and psychological problems with teens is now as common as sexually transmitted diseases were when I was a spotty teen.
Kids may outgrow their pediatrician.
But they still need a physician. If your child has grown uncomfortable seeing a paediatrician whose waiting room is filled with toys and screaming babies or she doesn’t connect with the doctor for some reason, it may be time to look for a new physician.
Adolescence hormones problems will last only a few years, but this brief period presents teens with an array of unfamiliar and potentially embarrassing health issues.
A physician should play a key role not just in treating your teen’s illnesses, but in offering guidance on making healthy decisions in daily life.
Physicians also face special issues when a teenage patient walks in the door. The doctor must balance the teen’s privacy with the parents’ desire to know what’s going on.
The best way to find a good doctor in your area is to do some homework and ask people you know and trust for their recommendations. Talk to the nurse at your child’s school. Ask other parents of teenagers. Have your child ask for the names of his friends’ doctors.
Once you find a candidate who seems promising, make an appointment to visit the doctor with your child. Ask questions to elicit answers that will show you if this is a person you want treating your growing teen. Ask: “Are you willing to meet with my child alone?
Will you be helpful on sexuality issues without being judgmental?
What are your thoughts on delaying sexual activity and avoiding substance abuse?”
Adolescent Hormones Doctors and your children
Also, watch how the doctor interacts with your child. Does the doctor speak to your child or only to you?
As your child grows older, you should be willing to allow her to play a larger role in her health care and to accept a hands-off role for yourself. At some point, this will mean sitting in the waiting room as she visits with the doctor.
Here are more thoughts to keep in mind as your child heads into the teen years:
1. Start giving your children more responsibility in talking with the doctor around age 9 or so. Let them explain their own symptoms and answer questions about how they feel. These kinds of discussions require practice, and kids need to have this experience by the time they’re teenagers.
2. Teens should see the doctor for a checkup yearly even if they’re healthy. If they have no particular problem to discuss, the visit will be a good time for the doctor to ask about their overall wellness and offer preventive guidance.
3. Establish how you, your child, and the doctor will deal with confidential issues now. Let your teen know when you’ll be talking to the doctor, and be sure the physician also gives her a heads-up before calling you.
To find the names of teen-friendly physicians, psychologists, and other professionals in your area.
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